dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
