Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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