Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
