just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
