I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize