Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize