his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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