How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
