Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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