Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
