My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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