I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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