You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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