wrigley field is MILF paradise
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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