I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize