i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
