he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
