Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
