Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
