I heard we made out
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
