he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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