My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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