if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
