I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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