don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
