life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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