I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
