He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize