Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
