my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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