I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
