FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
