i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
