This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
