I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
