just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
