Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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