Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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