i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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