I just pynch a tree in the face
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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