i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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