My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
