If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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