I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
