I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
