Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize