On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she peed on how many people?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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