i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
