Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
