Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
