I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
