Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
