what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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