I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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