dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
