Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
