There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
