I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
