They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
