well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
