For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
