i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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