I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
