How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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