If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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