My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
